Do you struggle to control your anger? Do you really have the energy for such a tiring battle? Did you know that you can learn to easily turn your anger into a useful tool?
In this blog, I will be teaching you a simple hack so that you can transform the energy of anger into healthy boundaries. If you learn to understand anger’s message, then you can make it your friend.
Anger is often treated as the most evil of all emotions. It is closely associated with acts of violence and aggression. I was always being told to control my anger, yet I was living in the middle of a pandemic of repressed anger and outbursts of rage.
What do You Do with Your Anger?
Do you find yourself struggling to control feelings of rage? That there is a simmering anger lurking beneath the surface that you are constantly try to control? Do you feel frustrated by this constant battle?
The good news is that you don’t need to fight this battle. By fighting, you are draining on your energy. I learned a completely different technique to channel my anger. You can start to allow yourself to flow into a state of harmony with everything that you are feeling, instead of resisting.
I used to think I had to fight my anger, but the logic of this is punitive. It is based on the old paradigm that you must suffer to achieve virtue. However, it will not serve you. You are better to move through the flow of life than to fight all the time. Truth is, you can learn to flow through life with ease by hacking into your consciousness.
Control Your Anger or Make It Your Pet?
You inner battle against your anger will always be lost. That’s because when you ignore your anger, you are ignoring an important message from your subconscious. When you get angry it’s because your personal space has been invaded.
Now that doesn’t mean that flying into a rage will help you. In all likelihood, you will make matters worse. That is because when you lose your temper, you indicate weakness.
You can backtrack to where it all started. Are you feeling angry at a boss who is constantly berating you? A partner who disregards your feelings? All of these are valid complaints and reasons to feel angry. If you want the problem to go away in the long term, you need to address the underlying problem.
If you are constantly feeling angry, there is a good chance you do not have healthy boundaries.
Understanding Healthy Boundaries to Control Your Anger
If you have Healthy boundaries you will constantly be giving people the message not to encroach on your territory. This is something that you learn as a child. Or maybe it’s something you didn’t.
Healthy boundaries are something you feel. Sure, it’s about you knowing when to say no. Its about you not being too kind and giving the message that you are weak.
Do you know when to say no if someone asks you for money? This is healthy boundaries! Do you know how to make it clear before your boss even asks you that no he cannot insist you stay in late?
Being a People Pleaser was making me Furious
Your relationship with your anger is all about your boundaries. Anger is an emotion that exists on a scale going from healthy boundaries to frustration to rage. You can position yourself on the healthy boundaries end of that scale, by embracing the rage energy. You cna use it to make yourself strong, strong enough to say no and insist on what you want.
I am sure you don’t enjoy simmering frustration and repressing angry feelings. Neither do I!
When I learned to respect my anger, in an instant I learned to have healthy boundaries. In fact, when I embraced my anger, it suddenly became clear to me how I was allowing people to incur on my territory.
I got to a point where I was overcome with anger at others for disrespecting. Yet I was completely aware that I was struggling with guilt every time that I said no. Since childhood, I had been taught to be a people pleaser. I was, in reality being destroyed by trying to be nice.
When I said no, the guilt would come up. So I would do what others wanted me to do. Then I would feel angry about doing something I didn’t want to. It was a vicious cycle.
Respect the Message in Your Anger
That was how I learnt to start respecting my anger. I realised that instead of suppressing the emotions, I needed to feel it. I was simply causing the feeling of anger to rise by pushing it down.
As a result of this epipheny, I decided to change my relationship with my anger. I decided to stop feeling uncomfortable with it, and instead, to embrace it. I decided to meditate with my anger.
Sitting on the floor, feeling frustrated and victimised, I decided to take the feeling and hold it. I looked into my body and found the feeling sitting in my chest. In the past, I had felt guilty about feeling angry.
In reality, this just caused the anger to grow. Now I started to exerience my anger as a pure energy, and finally I saw what it was for. My anger was telling me to respect myself. I needed to stop being more considerate to others than I was to myself.
Approach Your Anger with An Open Mind
This time, I decided, first, to approach the feeling with an open mind. I went towards it and the first thing I felt was enormous power. It was my power. I held my power. Suddenly, I realised that my whole problem was that I was showing to people weakness. I was not in my power.
I had to admit that I was subconsciously inviting people to do things I wasn’t comfortable with. That was because I was afraid of my power. I could say all the right things, but the truth is that people read energy. I was sending an energy signal that I was easy.
As I learned to embrace my anger, I realised that the feeling was about establishing self respect. After all, anger is one of my feelings. Why should I be denigrating any part of myself? I am perfect, no part of me is wrong. All I needed was to find balance with who I was and what I had.
How to Meditate to Control Your Anger and Create Healthy Boundaries
I started to meditate by feeling my anger. I would focus into the part of my body that held the emotion the emotion and feel it. When I learnt to experience my anger without judgement, things started to shift.
I did not feel overwhelmed by anger. In truth I was soothed by the effect. I actually became very calm. In fact, I started to feel very powerful. I felt an energy growing inside me, and suddenly I had the confidence to speak my truth and say what I wanted.
Of course, I still feel the niggling guilt at times, but now I understand why I need to say. I guess my sense of self-worth has changed. Indeed, I deserve to prioritise myself.
I was not angry anymore. I was not frustrated.